So it has been a while since I finally admitted to myself that I am addicted to food and I’ve been dealing with it but I’m finally ready to let the world know that this is a real thing. Whether you go through it just during hard times or if you deal with it every day of your life, like me. It is a struggle. It is similar in some ways to being addicted to anything else while also different because you can’t just stop eating. It is impossible.
I’m not currently seeing anyone about this as I doubt they would be able to help me. I need to be able to help me before anyone else can help me. I want to help myself with this but it is a daily struggle. Hourly struggle. Every minute struggle. It sucks and I would not wish this on my worst enemy… (okay maybe I might…)
Anyway, I have certain foods that set me off that when I think about them or hear their names I just have to have them…. Like an addict. They are as follows, in no order:
- Ice Cream
- Pasta (mainly the picture to the right)
- Candy – KitKat’s and M&Ms mainly.
- Drinks – Sprite/Sierra Mist, Minute Maid Lemonade, sometimes Orange Juice, and rarely Water.
It isn’t a long list but it is a list nonetheless. When I think about those topics my mouth starts to water, all I can think about is the food I want and how I am going to make it, when I am going to make it, how it is going to taste and all that kind of stuff. I hate that I am like this and that this has developed into a full fledged addiction and I’m so ashamed of it but I’m not going to deny it anymore.
When I do eat those foods, I over eat. I will it a king size kitkat in a matter of seconds, a sharing size M&Ms in a minute and you get the picture. I inhale it and don’t chew. I hate chewing, one reason why I don’t tend to eat meat. Not only is it OK for me not to eat meat but I hate chewing so it works out. LOL
Anyway, since I inhale it I overheat and eat to the point where I’m so full my stomach hurts. One time I ate so much that I thought I was gonna throw up. I didn’t but that was the most I’ve ever eaten. I really want to cut back but it is hard. I try that whole chewing for 5 minutes and your body will seem fuller faster but I hate chewing so after a minute I give up and swallow.
I know I seem like I’m joking with the “LOLs” but I laugh when I am nervous or talking about anything serious. That’s just how I am.
I’m not posting this for sympathy or words of kindness or help… Like I said, I have to help myself first and that is a battle I am fighting. I am posting this so I can get the word out that it is a real thing and something that people deal with that isn’t easy.
Anyway, I’m not sure what else I could say about it that I haven’t already said. My family has addiction that runs in the family (grandfather was addicted to alcohol and cigarettes). Due to that most of my immediate family is also addicted to food. They cook enough for a family of 10 and we are a family of 5 then in turn overeat. It is an awful cycle that I am now out of now that I am partially out of their house. (explained in an earlier blog)
That is all I really have to say about the subject. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them below. 🙂