Hey guys & girls!
I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation but I feel like I do so I am going to post one. I’m going to be going public about something in hopes that it will help others that are struggling with the same thing. I’m not looking for sympathy in this post I just want to vent to hopefully make myself feel better about the hiatus and just my websites in general.
When I was in high school I was bullied a lot… basically all 4 years consisted of me being bullied from everything from playing soccer[1. Yeah, I think they were running out of ideas at that point as that was 11th & 12th grades. Lol] to just being the socially awkward person I am. I dated this guy named Dante. I am using his real name ONLY because I already posted his real name on social media and don’t have the patience to go through my accounts and delete his name from the posts or even delete the posts. Anyway, we dated for 2 years and 9 months and I broke it off on August 26, 2011. Don’t ask how I remember that date. When I broke up with him, I went through a really tough time. A REALLY tough time.
I know breakups are always hard but I left Alabama to visit my family in Ohio. I had to be sent out of the state to recoup. It sucked. It wasn’t until about 6 months later that I realized that I may be depressed. I was using my cat to cut myself. I call it cat cutting. Basically, I would play with her until she had her claws out and scratch me and instead of stopping, I’d keep going so that it hurt. I even tried cutting myself with scissors but I couldn’t do that cause it hurt to much. I was in a really bad place for a good 2 years after that breakup. I was sleeping around and just going through a horrible time.
It wasn’t until this last year to year and a half that I started feeling better about everything. I went to go see a Psychologist this past Spring (though I only saw him twice, it still helped) and then I went back to Alabama for the summer & now here we are.
So, since August a lot has been going on. When I came down to Florida I was stuck living in a hotel-a disgusting hotel at that (wish I would have taken pictures for proof)-for a month while we were still closing on this house and at that point it was questionable if we were ever going to close on the house. I was going to school[2. School started August 24th] and I started working at Best Buy Mobile so I was training there and going to school. My classes have been a lot harder this semester than they have been all year which has been really taxing my motivation. Hence the hiatus from all things websites and online.
Anyway, after a month we finally closed on the house and moved in and now I’m settled in this awesome house close to the beach and campus and I’m happy.
I actually started dating again. I went on a date with a guy I worked with but I guess he wasn’t interested so he never tried after to set up another date so that ended, which made me sad at first but I’m happy overall that I was able to put myself out there again as I did the asking out, I did the setting up of the date, I did all of it. Me. That is an awesome feeling to come through this horrible breakup and know finally I am ready to date again even if that person wasn’t the one to become my next boyfriend. I know eventually I will find someone so obviously I need to keep working on me. Keep learning who I am. When fate feels it is right for me to date someone, that’s when I will find my next boyfriend. For now, I’m just having fun being single.
Anyway, this took me forever to post because I kept getting distracted with big things at school but finally I am ending the semester so I have more time for websites and such. Now, I’m just contemplating as to whether I will go next semester. If I don’t I lose my scholarship & tricare (military healthcare) in January. If I do, I lose both in May/June. So, it is whether I want to lose it now or then.
Thanks for reading guys. Anyone that comments on this blog after me being gone for like 5 months now (almost 6) I will know is a true friend. <3 Love you guys!